Turd
by MorgieSan
Summary: Brennan and Booth have a fight. Wrote this to amuse Narna. Rated T for curse words.


Disclaimer: Fox owns them. Narna named him Turd,

"You...You... You... YOU TURD!" Brennan was livid, so livid that her power with words flew right out the window. Sign one that Booth was in deep...well, shit. Brennan stalked off the forensics platform with a quick sling of her gloves, in Booth's direction.

Booth jumped to the side to avoid the glove and shot a foul like at the day's squintern who was failing to stifle his chuckle, "Thin ice, Edison."

"You better go and fix that, Turd," Angela swiped her card and hauled herself up the steps, "That's of course if you ever want to be on the same planet with her again." She fixed him with a stare and folded her arms over her swollen abdomen.

"Don't call me that," Booth spun to face her.

"Where have I heard that before..." She stepped aside and gestured to the stairs, "Go Turd, before I have to hurt you."

"Don't call me that!" He stepped down off the platform and went towards Brennan's office.

"Men!" Angela grumbled before waddling over to Clark, "Are you done yet?"

"Almost, you can take the skull though," Clark picked it up gingerly, "Would you like me to drop it off in your office or..."

"No, I'm not an invalid."

"No I... I'm sorry," Clark had yet to figure out how to handle a pregnant Angela.

She sighed, "I'm sorry, I've been a snapping turtle today. It's the only thing I do when I leave my office," she accepted the skull and went towards her office with it to work her magic.

The sound of shattering glass echoed through the spacious lab, as Booth came running out of Brennan's office, "WOAH!"

Brennan came barreling out behind him, and narrowly avoided the newly broken artifact she had hurled at him. She was cursing her bad aim, as she lunged at him. His quick reflexes caused her to be a split second too late, and the race was on. Booth ran toward the platform, and dodged to the left into Hodgin's area. She was hot on his heels, and carrying hers. He was weaving and zagging hoping she would zig so he could get away. He had a snowball's chance in hell.

Unfortunately hell had frozen over about ten minutes ago. Booth hurdled over some equipment made a break for the loading bay, he was going to barely make it out under the closing door. As he rolled under the door she skidded to a stop and launched her shoe at the metal. The clanging sound it made was deafening, "TURD!"

Angela walked up behind her friend, "You want to talk about it?"

"No," Brennan turned around and walked back toward her office, "I have to see about replacing a window."

"Wrong answer," Angela may have been a whale, but she was a whale with cat like reflexes, she was Brennan before Brennan could even blink.

"Let me go."

"No. I need to clarify something, I wasn't really giving you an option back there. It was me being nice. My office, now."

"But..."

"But. Nothing," she took Brennan's remaining shoe and shoved her towards the lab, "Don't step in any glass."

"Fine," Brennan went the long way around the platform to get to Angela's office. She didn't look at any of the people in the lab who were all staring in disbelief. The normally reserved and compartmentalized doctor had just gone nuclear, and no one was sure what the fallout was going to be.

"Back to work people!" Cam shooed everyone but Angela and Brennan back to work, "GO!"

Angela slid her door shut behind them and dropped Brennan's shoe onto her couch, "Start talking, now."

"He's a turd!"

"I gathered as much, I can also tell you're pissed."

"I am! He's..."

"A turd? Sweetie, I know your mad, I want to know why. What did Turd do?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I know, but so help me if you don't I will sit on you."

"He broke my skeleton."

"What?" Angela leaned against her desk.

"The remains I had been working, he broke them."

"How?"

"His need to touch everything. To toss everything small enough to fit in his hands up in the air. He had the rib, and then that TURD had two rib pieces," She was getting fired up again.

"Sweetie..." Angela began when a soft knock sounded on her door, "Oooooh this had better be important," she went over and slid the door open an inch.

"It's about the skeleton..." Clark slid a sheet of paper through the door, "they um they also sent me over with her other shoe."

"Short straw?"

"Yes," he set the shoe outside the door and backed away.

"What's this mean?" She handed the sheet of paper to Brennan.

She studied the print out briefly, "It means I broke a perfectly good artifact for no reason."

"English?"

"Brittle bones, the particular rib he touched had been previously fractured and was weaker than the other ribs."

"Sweetie..."

"Yes?"

"You went batshit out there, care to explain why you did?"

"I... I don't know, but I should call him and apologize..." Brennan stepped toward Angela's desk and picked up the phone.

"Sweetie, hand me the phone," Brennan took one look at Angela and acquiesced. Placing it back in the cradle she directed Brennan to sit on the couch.

"When did you start sleeping with him?"

Brennan's impression of a fish was spot on, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm not playing this game today. My best friend just tried to kill her other best friend with a statue..."

"It was a piece of a clay pot..."

Angela glared at her and continued, "You _**ARE**_ going to tell me how long you have been sleeping with Turd, and then I will consider letting you call him."

"Bxcsdgj sdjy htshshs."

"I don't speak mumble."

"About six months," she repeated louder.

Angela leaned back against her desk, how had she not noticed, "Seriously?"

"I believe Booth would say as 'a heart attack.'"

"Those are serious..." Angela let out a squeal and went to tug Brennan into the biggest hug she could give.

"I can't breathe," and she couldn't her head was spinning when Angela finally let go, "May I apologize now?"

"No."

"Why?"

"We're going to a drugstore," She handed Brennan one shoe then opened the door and kicked the other one to her, "hurry up," and she set out across the lab.

Brennan quickly put her shoes on and looked between her friend and the phone. She chose smart and followed Angela. They quickly found a drugstore, and Angela made a beeline. Brennan was following obediently, and her eyes got big when she saw where Angela was taking her.

"No," she came to an abrupt stop and let Angela keep walking.

"Nothing is 100% effective, and you know it," Angela stopped in front of the shelf and started looking at all the boxes. Grabbing one she went for the checkout counter.

Brennan tried close her gaping mouth and follow, but her brain had no power over her body. She stood there, rooted to the spot while Angela was making a (possibly) life changing purchase.

"Deary, I think it might be a bit late for this..." the cashier chuckled as she swiped the barcode.

"Not mine," Angela laughed and paid her before going back into the store for Brennan.

"Lets go find out if Turd knocked you up."

"It's not possible... He... And I... and no," Angela grabbed her arm and gently guided her toward the restrooms in the store. She tore open the box, gave the test to Brennan and shoved her in.

"I don't want to see your face until you've peed on that stick, got it?"

Brennan nodded mutely, and locked the door. She looked at the test before she grew a set and just took it. She had never failed a test in her life and she wasn't about to start now. A few minutes later she opened the door and beckoned Angela in, "I find myself irrationally afraid of seeing what it says."

Angela grinned and went over to the sink, then she shrieked, "SWEETIE!"

Brennan edged closer, and peered over her friend's shoulder. Two little pink lines, she sagged backwards into the wall, and looked up at Angela, "I'm pregnant."

"Totally!" she ripped her cell phone from her purse and called Turd for her. She gave Brennan the phone, and left the bathroom.

"Hello?" Turd asked as he answered the phone, no answer, "Angela? Is everything okay?"

"I'm pregnant."

"You aren't Angela. Are you sure?"

She nodded then realized he couldn't see her, "Yes. Booth... I'm very sorry for throwing a clay pot at you."

"I'll let it slide, can I come and see you?"

"I'll have Angela drop me off at the diner."

"I'll see you there in a little bit."

"Okay... Turd."

"Wha! Hey!" He laughed, and she laughed.

"I couldn't resist, I love you."

"I love you too."


End file.
